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Regulating strong emotions can be difficult at any age but it’s especially hard for children. While negotiating the occasional temper tantrum is part of the package when it comes to parenting, you may want to help your child learn to control impulsive behaviour which often comes with anger, upset or frustration. Until around 2-3 years of age self-regulation is pretty difficult for children as they lack a lot of the self-awareness it takes to rationalise situations and self soothe, but as they get a little older there are strategies you can put in place to help them channel their feelings in a more constructive way. For more information, take a look at the following advice from an independent school in Surrey.
Recognising Emotions
Often when children feel strong negative emotions, they don’t have the language to communicate how they’re feeling which can lead to extra frustration and an even more intense emotional reaction. By helping your child learn to identify their emotions you can give them the tools they need to acknowledge their feelings and the vocabulary to explain them to you. Get them into the habit of recognising emotions in others, show them pictures of faces expressing different emotions such as anger, sadness and fear, and then get them to name each one. Discuss how it feels to experience each emotion as this will help them to recognise their feelings in the future and allow them to communicate in a more constructive way.
Talk About Your Feelings
Show your child that it is normal and healthy to feel all different kinds of emotions and encourage them to talk about their own feelings in a healthy and constructive manner. State out loud when you are feeling sad or angry and model appropriate responses to each emotion. You should get into the habit of stating your emotion and then explaining why you feel that way, such as: ‘I am getting angry because you haven’t picked up your toys like I asked’. This will encourage your child to not only name their own emotions but to explain the reason they feel the way they do, developing their emotional intelligence and communication skills whilst helping them feel validated as you listen to them air their frustrations.
Discuss Strategies
Once your child has learned to identify and express their feelings it may be useful to introduce them to strategies to help them regulate their emotions. Younger children find it very difficult to regulate emotions, but as they get older the adoption of certain methods could help them to calm down a little quicker. Try breathing techniques to bring a sense of calm and to provide a distraction from their emotions. Have your child breathe in slowly through their nose and out through their mouth whilst you count to ten. You could also have a time-out period when your child is becoming overwhelmed by having them take themselves off for a moment of quiet whilst they calm down. The more you encourage them to practice these strategies the more likely they are to use them independently when they need them.
